Greatest Regrets
by Muria
Summary: Character studies based on the moments they regret the most.  First up- Todd Tolansky, AKA Toad of the Brotherhood. Second- Freddy Dukes, AKA Blob of the Brotherhood.
1. Todd

Greatest Regrets…

of Todd Tolansky

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Just a short note- this is a new style for me. I've seen a lot of collections like this, with multiple thoughts or incidents tied by a single theme. I love the idea and couldn't get rid of this idea. I don't think the format belongs to anyone in particular (I've seen it in a lot of different places without a note about a source, and it's a pretty vague format). So, here's an attempt.

Comments, criticism, and random information are quite welcome.

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I.

My birth.

After all, wasn't I the reason my father left my mom? He didn't even have to see me, yo- nope! He left when he heard my mom say, "I'm pregnant," and continued with, "I'm keeping it." Wonder if that's her greatest regret… She never said it, but I've just gotta think that. She always looks sad when she talks about that bum, even if she'd never admit it.

II.

My first expulsion.

Some jock- a Duncan wannabe- smashed me through a window when I didn't jump out of his way fast enough, and the principle decides that the varsity athlete can't be upset, much less punished. So, I get blamed for the window, some damage to a locker room I'd never been in, and a trashed bathroom. Can't pay for the any of it. Get expelled.

My mom waited until she thought I was asleep before she cried.

III.

My second to last expulsion.

That one wasn't a shock to anyone. Not to the school, not my classmates, and certainly not me. Not my mom, either, because she never knew. She'd been dead a week, and I got kicked out for skipping every day since she'd gotten real bad sick- a month by that point.

So, that expulsion didn't really bother me, except that the social worker that stopped by slammed me in Bayville High, an easy target for jocks, thieves, school authorities, and Mystique.

IV.

Joining the Brotherhood.

Don't get me wrong! The guys have their good sides- I'm just not normally on them. They're not too bad, anyway. Freddy's great when he's paying attention, and Pietro's fine as long as he's not. Lance is kind of a mix of the two.

It's Mystique. I just cracked when she threatened me that first time, and, even though I looked back so much, I never got the nerve to back out. Mystique scares me too much. I'm never getting out of this mess, and I think it's gonna get someone killed.

V.

The last time I saw Rogue when she was still the Brotherhood sister.

It wasn't anything special. I was finding something to eat in the kitchen when she walked through. We didn't say anything. I don't think she noticed me- too distracted going to meet Cyclops for a project, or something. I didn't think a thing about it until it finally sunk in that she'd never be back.

But, sometimes… Sometimes I wonder if she would've left if she knew that she really could've had friends there. Even if it was just me, would've it have mattered at all? Who am I kidding, yo? She's a lot happier with the X-Men than she'd ever be in this trash heap with a bunch of hoods.

VI.

The day Tabby left.

She'd told me months before that I could go with her when she did leave. She didn't make me answer then- she was always nice like that, even if she was pushy when things weren't real serious. She was gonna let me choose later on, closer to the day she really did leave.

That day arrived. I knew what was gonna happen when Mystique walked back in. I saw Tabby come downstairs. I heard them argue. I saw Tabby walking through the door and give a 'wave goodbye.' And I didn't move, didn't speak, don't think I even breathed.

I just watched her go, listened to Mystique simmer, and knew I'd never get that chance again.

VII.

The day I fell in love with Wanda.

That was the day I first saw her. She was beautiful, strong, and fearless… And, when I heard what had happened to her, she reminded me so much of the girl I always dreamed about, the one more broken than me, the one I could actually help… She reminded me so much of that dream that I forgot I wasn't dreaming for a minute. I opened my froggy mouth and out popped some pet name that had never crossed my mind before.

I never stood a chance.

It's kind of sad that everyone thinks I don't know.

VIII.

The day mutants made the news.

I know I'd helped with trying to get us known before with the whole 'stadium-incident. 'I know I helped milk the situation with the 'heroes-incident.' But, now people hate me for being a mutant, on top of being ugly, smelly, dirty, stupid, and whatever else they think of. It was bad enough being trash without being a second class citizen on top of it, yo!

It's one thing to be hated, but ignored. It's another to be hated and pursued. I never wanted to be prey.

There are days I wish I was human.

IX.

The day I gave up.

I'm not suicidal, nothin' like that! No, I just gave up fightin' this whole thing- Mystique, Magneto, the Brotherhood, Wanda, the jocks, the world… It's not worth it. It's not worth the humiliation on top of the disappointment every time something doesn't work out...

I guess I'm just in for the ride now. Wonder how long it'll take anyone to notice that I'm faking every bit of energy now…

But I already know… Never. They'll never bother to guess.


	2. Freddy

I'm not doing these in any particular order. This is just how I think of them. If you want someone, tell me and I'll try to write their's soon.

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Greatest Regrets…

Of Freddy Dukes

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I.

Breaking that oven.

Apparently, there really is a 'straw that breaks the camel's back.' My step-mom always acted like a camel, going long times without eating only to eat a lot at parties, so it really wasn't a surprise.

But, even if she never got hungry, I did. I was trying to stay out of her way like she told me, but then I went and broke the oven door trying to get it open in time to save the food inside. That's when I really saw my strength. Too bad it got me kicked out of my house.

If that hadn't happened, maybe I could've kept dreaming that my dad would stop his wife, would protect me- even if it was for my ma and not for me. But, he didn't. And I'll never forget.

II.

Meeting Jason Stewarts.

No idea who he is, right? Well, you shouldn't know. He's not a mutant. He doesn't know anything about mutants. He's too scummy for the X-Men, too human for Magneto. So, you'll never have heard of this guy.

He was my teacher. The one who snagged me when I'd found my way to a freak show and taught me how to use my size to get money- 'sheer fright factor,' he called it. The judge called it extortion when he locked Jason up.

Nothing against Jason- he was always a decent guy to me… But, if I'd never met him, maybe I could look at weaker people and the worst I'd think would be 'I wish I was normal like them' and be jealous. But, now I look at them and think of the best way to scare them, make them obey me, make them pay me. I'm getting over it, but I'm scared that, one day, I'll hurt Todd. Then, I might just hate Jason, 'cause I already hate myself for all the others.

III.

Meeting that old lady.

She was a lady, a real lady. She dressed real nice and talked right. She had money, and everybody respected her. And she looked at people and saw them as people. Including me.

I was hungry, since the freak show wasn't doin' too well in that town- too respectable. If business isn't good, I don't get paid. And, no pay means no money for food. Scaring people just didn't get me enough food.

But that old lady took one look at me and told me to come to her house so she could fix me a nice dinner. Said I looked hungry. Said I looked too young to be outside alone after dark.

I said yes and went inside. She did cook- a beautiful meal, the best meal I've ever had. She was so nice, treated me like a grandkid. She told me I could come back anytime.

I wish I could. Nothing's ever tasted as good as that meal, and I know it never will.

IV.

That old lady's funeral.

It was sad enough that she died. I guess she was old and all, but it was sad. I saw her a few times over the year between when I met her and when she died, but I'd never accepted another meal. I was tryin' to forget what the first tasted like, but she never minded and she never asked.

I tried to go to her funeral- which was dumb. Big, dumb Freddy really proved it there. I tried to sneak into a rich funeral- complete with bored relatives- in my best clothes- a cleanish t-shirt and jeans. They kicked me out. I didn't even get to see her.

Somehow, that made her dying even worse.

V.

Falling for Jean.

I should've known from the start it was just as bad as the funeral. Really, a nice, pretty, popular girl like Jean talks to me? Pity. I don't know how I thought she'd ever see me as anything else.

I should've known that anyone like that, the cheerleader type, had to be shallow. She'd take one look at me and move on, grossed out. I'm fat, ugly, clumsy, and filthy. Really, what was I expecting?

… It makes it worse when I see her talking and the light hits her just right so that her hair glows and her smile looks real and nice and beautiful. Because, if I hadn't fallen for her, I'd accept she was pretty, but pretend I didn't care that she'd never see me. But, it wouldn't hurt more than anyone else.

VI.

Meeting Rogue.

It's not meeting Rogue that I don't like. It's that I met her when I did. If I'd met her at the Boardinghouse, maybe she'd have been a pal. I mean, look at how she is with Nightcrawler- she treats him just like he was an annoying guy, but a normal one. The blue fur doesn't bother her. Todd said his mutation didn't bug her either.

So, maybe if I'd met her as Brotherhood, she'd have been a friend. Because of my stupid timing, I missed that friend. Now she'll only be an enemy, another faceless enemy that I have to pretend doesn't look so pretty and so smart and so real. She's only an enemy, just like all the others.

VII.

The day Tabby left.

She was hard to live with, I won't lie. She did her best to drive everyone crazy and make us mad and scare us half to death. But she treated us like we were real. She flirted with us like we looked good. She hung out with us like we were cool.

I've never been treated like that by a girl. I've never been treated like that by anyone. It wasn't that she didn't treat us like freaks. She didn't see us as freaks. The thought never crossed her mind. We were the Brotherhood. That was that.

When she left, everything she'd made me feel good about didn't look worth anything anymore. Mystique saw us as soldiers. Tabby'd seen us as friends.

When she left like that, I knew she really saw everyone like that. We weren't special. It was all her, and we'd never matter like that again.

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Comments and criticism are welcome and encouraged.

Ideas for characters and regrets are welcome.


End file.
